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Back to health libraryHow to have a conversation with your teen about handling grief after a loss
- Delayed Expression: A child might not show signs of grief immediately after an event. Pay attention to signs of grief, such as isolation, increased discussion about death, appetite changes, and lack of motivation to name a few.
- Wide Range of Expression: When children do start to show signs of grief they can manifest in a wide range of expression. A child might act out with defiance or anger or be on the other end of the spectrum, showing little to no emotional response initially.
- Unconditional Positive Regard (Empathy/Love): It is important to validate their expression and feelings of grief. We can validate the emotions of our children by allowing them space to talk, not challenging their emotional responses, and providing reflections about their experiences. An example of this can be, "I see how painful this is. I want you to know I care for you." Avoid statements such as, "They are in a better place," as this can feel minimizing and become upsetting for the individual. We cannot take away the pain, but we can allow them to feel supported with it.
- Share Stories: Another way to help someone experience grief is to allow them to share stories of the individual lost. This allows them to honor and feel reconnected to the loved one and remember them in a positive light.
- Patience: It is important to have patience with grief. It is an emotional response to loss and it can take a while to fully stabilize. Grief can also reappear years after an event, but having unconditional positive regard and an open space to express emotions with trusted individuals can ease the pain that comes with it.
- Understand Grief: It’s important to remember that the grieving process is an individualized experience in which people respond to grief differently. There is no perfect way to handle grief. Let the children know that it is normal for the pain of grief to come and go over time and to feel happy and have a desire to enjoy life is not a disloyal to the person who died.
- Provide Structure: Keep routines as consistent as possible and to continue to settle limits on behavior can provide a sense of continuity and stability during a time of disruption.
- Stay Present: By not rushing to make the pain go away and by acknowledging the emotions, this allows the healing to begin.
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